If you really knew me...

**Caution, the following post is deeply personal. I hope that this might give others some thought on the way we treat people. I hope we remember that even the little things we to do help each other out make a difference. **

...you'd know that I used to have a hard time making friends and standing up for myself. My confidence was low and the following events brought it even lower. I had a lot of FEAR, and because of that fear, I thought I wasn't good enough, smart enough or capable of conquering any challenge. I would walk- no RUN away from what was difficult because I figured I would fail anyways. That is how low my confidence was.

It all kind of started in about the 5th grade. The group of "friends" I had were not my friends. They never called me to hang out outside of school. During school they'd say really rude things (such as make fun of a mole I have next to my ear, or that my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs yet) and they laugh it off saying "just kidding". They made me feel like a freak. It really hurt and made me feel ugly. I doubted myself a lot. I went to a different school a few years later and things were better.

Mean Girls really do exist.

Then I moved to yet another school and I made a new friend. We'll call her Janet. Janet and I had fun together but Janet's friend Bethany was jealous. Bethany gave Janet an ultimatum: stop being friends with Meg or stop being friends with me. Janet chose Bethany. Suddenly, I was friendless and all alone in a new school. I didn't understand why we couldn't all have been friends. I didn't understand why a girl who didn't even know me would hate me so much. I didn't understand what it was about me that some girls seemed to hate. I thought I was a nice person who was enjoyable to be around. I was starting to think that I just wasn't "cool".

Texas Fab Five.

Highschool came and I made the cheerleading squad.

After all, there's no drama in cheer right? Yeah, right. Drama=cheer. Luckily, I didn't find myself in the middle of all of it too much since I didn't attend parties. Since I didn't really relate to the other girls' extracurricular activities, I was more reserved and quiet. I doubted my abilities to perform stunts which affected my performance. Though I loved being a "flyer" I shied away from it as much as possible because I had no confidence in myself.

Then one night, I came home to discover something that truly crushed my spirit. Those original girls from 5th grade (and were attending another high school) who I hadn't seen or talked to in years toilet papered and shaving creamed my car. Oh, and they left me a nice message on the hood in shaving cream: "BITCH". I was devastated and confused. And hurt. So incredibly hurt. I cried and cried and felt so helpless. I didn't understand why I deserved to be called such names, much less by people I hadn't seen in over 4 years. I didn't understand what about me made them hate me so much that they didn't even see me and still hated me.

Thankfully, I had a group of real friends who supported me. All though high school, I was ok with being "ok". I got A's and B's but I was always afraid to try harder because I just gave up on myself and told myself I couldn't do it.

When I moved away to BC after high school, college was pretty good. By that time, I made some lifelong friends though my church who I had lots in common with. Once I knew people, I would open up and be silly and crazy and crack jokes. But around those I didn't know, it took me a long time to open up.

When I moved back home to Idaho about two years later I made new friends. "Friends". Here we go again. I made friends with a group of girls. We'll call them Marie, Hallie and Katrina. I thought I could trust them. Marie got jealous of my friendships with the other girls and started telling rumors to my friends and anyone else who knew me. "Meg called me fat." "Meg says she can get better guys than you." Were some of the few I found out about. Hallie quit speaking to me before I even heard about the rumors. Katrina didn't drop me but she didn't stand up to Marie either. She chose to just sit by as Marie spread the rumors. You know what? This time, I cut the negativity out of my life. With friends like those...

At this point I'm thinking "What gives? What is wrong with me?". Finally, I began to change. I slowly stopped letting people's opinions matter so much. I stopped seeing myself as helpless and worthless. I started focusing on being more positive and working on making myself a better person. I worked on my relationship with my family and most important my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Wedding Day!

My husband has always had all the confidence in the world in me. He reminds me that I'm smart and that I can figure things out. He points out my strengths and asks me to help with the things I am good at. He encourages me and doesn't accept excuses to quit or procrastinate. He made me realize that I would be and do anything I wanted. The only person stopping myself was me. I don't think he realizes what a rock he is to me. Whenever I want to quit and give up because I'm afraid I'll fail, he's right there encouraging me to "not try, DO".

Weirdly, it was also my job in customer service. I heard it all, ranting, raving, threatening, reasonable arguing, kindness, and everything in between. At first I was terrified. I'd hang up the phone and shake. How can people be this mean? My bosses and co-workers were very supportive and I started to get thicker skin. Three years of thicker skin.

I'm no longer afraid to stand up for myself, to tell people no. I don't feel guilty for turning down those ridiculous solicitors who come to my door, asking people in the movies to be quiet or calling someone out on being rude. It's not like I go looking for fights, because I don't. I no longer stand quietly by. I stand up for myself and what is right. There will always be people who are mean and rude. That doesn't mean that anyone else has to put up with it.

Now that I am back in school, I feel a lot more positive. Yes, my classes are hard. Yes, it's ok to ask for help. No, don't procrastinate homework, studying, going to class. Do it, because I can do it. I KNOW I can. Sure, I might not get accepted into my program. But I'm working everyday with the mindset that I will. Now, if I fail, I know that I did not sabotage myself, I will have worked my hardest.

The hardest thing about starting a blog was if I would be accepted. I worried that no one would care. All those insecurities started trying to creep back. So, thank you. All of you who take the time to read or even skim my blog. I'm glad we are bloggie friends. Like my friends here at home, you proved that there are plenty of women out there who aren't catty and backbiting.

I can honestly say I am really happy now. I know that everyone goes through things in life that make them stronger. Growing up and maturing has taught me not to care as much as about what others think. I choose to surround myself with real people who like me for the way I am. I have the confidence in myself to accomplish any task I set out to do. And even failing is ok. Lots of successful people had to fail before they achieved success. I no longer worry that not everyone will like me, or think I'm funny. That's ok, because I like me. And I happen to think I'm hilarious. ;)

p.s. Oh! I got my school schedule finalized! Yayyy!!

Why do some women have to hate those who don't gossip or judge each other?

Why do some women feel like they have to tear others down?

Shouldn't we be defending and standing up for our gender?

Schooled

Today was my first day back to school in 3 years. I know, I can't believe I'm that old. I got up bright and early (which means 9:30 am). The day started off great... and sort of went downhill after my Anatomy and Physiology class. More on that in a minute. Let's talk about the weekend first.

I got old fashioned vanilla fro yo:

with cookie dough, granola and caramel. It was the perfect combination that really hit the spot. Mmm... I could totally go for some of that right now.

Watched The Runaways. I thought both Kristen and Dakota did a great job. Quite a gritty flick.

Rode my dirtbike.

You see, one of my very first posts I wrote about getting a dirtbike. My husband has been riding forever and I wanted to join in on the fun. Then I wrote about my first ride and first wreck. It's a slow learning process, but every time I go I feel more and more in control with my bike.

It's a scary thing, learning something new. Scared of falling, scared of failing, scared of what other people think, wanting to prove to myself and others that I can do it. Wanting to just be good at it already!

I went riding with Jeremy and we went to a pretty easy place that was fairly flat with a few short hills and shallow bumps.

Here's his brand new bike. A 2010 KTM 300 XC-W. In simple terms, really powerful and tough to get your hands on.

I am getting better every time! Jeremy was quite impressed with my progress.

You know I had to get at least one prissy picture in there! ;)

I had such a blast and didn't fall once. The next night, the KTM dealer was having an informal technique class, so I decided to go and see what it was all about. We learned some balance exercises for at home, what the correct position on the bike should be and how it affects the momentum of the bike, how to properly pick up your bike after a wreck and to always balance on the balls of your feet. It was pretty technical stuff but things that really make for a better ride. I learned a lot and can't wait to start practicing the things I learned.

The thing about a lot of sports is you do as well as you allow yourself to do. A lot of times, I get scared of failing and just give up instead of sticking with it. One thing I've learned is that as soon as you start doubting yourself, you'll fall. I think that's true for a lot of things in life. You have to keep trying until you actually fall or you succeed. I'm learning to be more forgiving of myself and to have more confidence in my capabilities.

Which thankfully helped me out today. So I drive out to my Anatomy & Physiology class, find an awesome parking spot (and I the only one who really relishes in a prized parking spot?) and went to class. I like my teacher. He seems knowledgeable, but also funny and approachable.

Then all hell broke loose. Ok, not really, but I'd been having trouble adding my math and chemistry classes so I waited in line for an HOUR to see someone about it. When I finally got in, they said I didn't have the prerequisite for the math class, and I had to take a math class with my chem class. So I went to see if I could test into the math class, but no such luck.

I went and got back in line and another 30 minutes. The guy I talked to this time was kind of a tool and said that I'd have to take (basically beginners) math. Ugh. Oh no, he did NOT!

Luckily, the woman I walked to before intervened and said that based on the math classes on my transcripts I could jump up and take another math class. Whew. I will still need to take the original math class next semester but better than having to wait another year based on one class to apply for my program. Well, it's been a while since I've take math, so I couldn't be all that surprised. Problem is, all the math classes I need to take this semester are full. Arg!! So tomorrow I'll have to hope and pray that I can find a class that I can get the ok from the teacher to let me join. Cross your fingers and pray for me!

It probably didn't help that all I'd eaten that whole day was one measly Powerbar. Atleast I toted a long my water bottle! I was sort of in a grumpy mood after all that waiting around and getting bad news. I haven't given up though. I'm sure by the end of the week, I will have gotten my schedule figured out and today will be a thing of the past.

Check out my awesome new hat I wore to school today:

I'm 24 and don't really give a crap about looking cute for class. ;)

Tonight, I stopped by CostCo to pick up something for dinner and came home with this:

Lettuce wraps!

I ate the whole thing.

And topped it off with some cherries.

I feel less grumpy already. :)

Have you ever had a frustrating school situation?

How do you deal with your fears of trying something new?

How do you feel when you find an awesome parking spot?

A Little Overindulgence

I'm baaack!!! Hope someone out there is still reading me. :) My, oh my, do I have a lot to share. This truly has been a wonderful and indulgent vacation. Please note that I don't eat out all the time. In the past few weeks, I've definitely eaten out more than the rest of the year! We've been keeping up with lots of walking and I even squeezed in a few good runs. Truly, I'm ready to get back to a little healthier eating. None the less, this is what I ate and I don't hesitate to share it. Here are the highlights, I hope you enjoy!

Where to begin?

I made sure to squeeze in some green monsters.

This one is more of a blue monster since there were blueberries in it. Mmm!

I tried (and fell in love with) butter pecan almonds. So addicting!

Shrimp quesadillas.

Ooey gooey cheese. *drool* I love cheese.

Fried cheese ravioli from Spaghetti Factory. These were a little too intense for me.

That's more like it. Spinach ravioli.

I love that Spaghetti Factory gives you spumoni ice cream at the end of your meal! Delish.

Strawberry, blueberry and peach smoothie.

Chips and queso from Z' Tejas while we were visiting Salt Lake.

Speaking of Salt Lake, look: flying porta potties.

Hee hee!

It's ok. You don't have to think it's as funny as I did. I'm easily amused.

Dog is my co-pilot. This bumper sticker was just too amusing to pass by.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Cornbread. Also from Z' Tejas.

Hamburger from Z' Tejas for Jeremy. I don't know how they did it, but the bbq sauce was awful.

However,

check out this salad!

Pulled chicken, strawberries, asparagus, chick peas, cheese, walnuts, spinach and field greens.

Oh my gosh, best salad ever. So wonderfully flavorful and fresh.

Fro yo!

We split asian tart (never tried it before and LOVED it) and raspberry topped with lots of strawberries and kiwis and a squirt of white chocolate syrup.

Nom. Nom. Nom.

As all good things do, this ends with dessert! :)

What toppings do you like on your fro yo?

What makes you laugh?

A New Member of the Family

Thanks everyone for your sweet comments about my last post. Yes, I suppose Jeremy and I are quite adorable. We've really been having a blast. Jeremy loves that I take pictures of most of my food and is always saying, hey you should take a picture of this. The other day he said, "maybe someday I'll start my own blog..." So proud.

We've been quite the busy bees around here. We built and bought our home back in December and have been making it a home room by room.

Our latest finds include:

This beautiful armiore. We bought it at a clearance center and got it for about 60% off the original price!

This floor lamp. Thank YOU Cost Co. (Those drapes my mom and I made.)

And a mirror. Before you think I'm clever enough to take a picture of the mirror with the armiore reflected in it, think again. This was a pure fluke. Cool, nonetheless.

Oh yeah, and we bought for me...

A new car!!! It's a Ford Focus. Fully loaded with all sorts of buttons, and SYNC (like you've seen in the commercials) so you connect your phone with the car and you can hear your phone call through the car speakers. It's cool and very confusing. It will take me a long time to figure out how to use everything. But I am so loving it. My last car didn't even have A/C.

I decided that baking cookies were the appropriate celebration. Particularly Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Make these immediately.

Well, at least read the recipe.

You freakin' brown the butter. You know that makes them perfect.

Now, wipe all that drool of your keyboard.

Take a look at this mushroom and spinach omelette. Topped with cheddar and blue cheese.

In case you're wondering, I am getting tired of eating out. Vacation is tough, but someone's gotta do it. ;)

We went to Tucano's. This place is so cool. They roast all kinds of meat from chicken to pork to beef and vegetables and pineapple (my favorite), then bring them to your table and cut off a slice for you right there. If you've never been to a place like this, the concept is a little weird, but seriously, it's so much fun.

Check out my salad I made from their impressive salad bar.

Romaine, red cabbage, carrot, beets, boiled egg, sunflower seeds, garbonzo beans, and black olives. Topped with Italian dressing.

I also had some a slice of salami, some kind of creamy, delicious cheese, broccoli salad, cottage cheese and a sort of cold tortellini salad. All quite tasty. I conquered this plate.

Dessert was nice and light. Melon and strawberry fruit salad sprinkled with coconut and deep fried bananas. Oh, those bananas are heaven.

Tonight, I made steak in the broiler and Smashed Potatoes. Have you made these yet? They take a little bit of time, but boy are they good.

After letting my food settle for about an hour, I went for a run/walk with Hunter. We had some rain earlier, so it was almost cool but it was a beautiful evening for a run. I love the smell of fresh rain! Aaand, I made it to the next level of Nike +. Which means, since March, I have run 52 km. Pretty cool!

What's you're guilty indulgence?

What's your recent fitness accomplishment or goal?